Boundaries Part II

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Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend discusses boundary setting in relationships.

People cannot change anything on the outside, such as other people. They can only change what is on the inside, themselves. When giving something, such as money, time, help, ask whether one is giving freely without resentment. Ask whether what one is giving is something that the other person should be doing on his/her own. To change what is on the inside, first agree with the truth of one’s condition. In the religious context, this is known as confession. Admit to oneself who one is, and do not deny any faults. If there are some weaknesses identified, submit one’s inability to quickly change to others for help. Do an inventory of the self. In order to help others, one must do something different when confronted with evil. Make amends, reconcile, forgive any hurts. One cannot be thankful if one is judging at the same time.
In order for people to respect one’s boundaries, one must hear and respect the boundaries of others. When another person says NO, one needs to respect the boundaries and be willing to delay gratifications. When one thinks badly of someone who says NO, one is actually condemning him/herself because there will be a time when one needs to say NO also. When one accepts separateness, others will be more willing to receive because they know they will not be controlled. When one makes someone bad for rejections, it comes from an inside desire to control others. When one is not able to accept someone’s NO, the other person becomes an idol – the only person who is able to fulfill one’s needs. When one is able to let people go, one will be more sale because one will be able to depend on other resources. Giving freedom to others will make one a person who makes choices out of values, not fear. As a result, people will be more receptive because they know they have choices versus being a slave.

Boundaries are about freedom – what someone is apart from everyone else.

Devoted to Corporate Attorneys, Corporate Lawyers, and Corporate Counsel

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